Remembering Baron Charteris 
Today marks the 100th anniversary of Martin Michael Charles Charteris, Baron Charteris of Amisfield GCB GCVO QSO OBE PC, who served as private secretary to Elizabeth II of Great Britain. It is fitting that his birth be noted, as he was born on the 380th anniversary of the birth of Elizabeth I. It's generally agreed by Buckingham Palace staff that this was a rather nifty coincidence. It is also, as it turns out, the anniversary of the birth of Giuseppe Zangara, who failed to assassinate Franklin D. Roosevelt, but settled for assassinating Chicago mayor Anton Cermak, although palace staff have not mentioned this.

"We are celebrating the life of Baron Charteris with a tea ceremony this afternoon and perhaps a round of croquet on the lawn afterwards," stated Anthony Lawrence, Secretary of the Privy Wardrobe for the Understairs Chambers of the Back Landing. "It is all rather exciting."

When asked how the royal family felt about a 1995 interview Baron Charteris gave to "The Spectator", Lawrence claimed no knowledge, but expressed confidence that the interview was no doubt a charming piece with several anecdotes about life in the Palace. After being informed that the article described the Duchess of York as "vulgar" and the Prince of Wales as "whiney", Lawrence explained that he had to attend to some last-minute arrangements for the afternoon's event and excused himself.

We regret that we are unable to share his observations on Charteris' description of the late Queen Mother as "a bit of an ostrich."

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Storm Season 
NASA has released a report analyzing the storm that has plagued the planet Saturn since 2010. According to the report, the storm contains measurable quantities of water, making it, in the eyes of some, the larges hurricane in the solar system.

"This storm is clearly located above my district," insists US Representative Howard Mulholland (R, SC). "While all reasonable people agree that FEMA is an unnecessary agency, as well as being grossly over-funded, I would not be adequately representing my constituents if I did not apply for relief on their behalf. Our district has historically been among the most damaged by high winds and water. It is only reasonable that we apply to FEMA for whatever we can get out of them."

"My honorable college from South Carolina is, I'm afraid, a nut case," differs Wallace Abel, US Representative (D, AL). "The storm was spotted by the Hubble Space Telescope, which was build in the great state of Alabama. It should be obvious that we will be the most i